Tonight I had a look at counselors in the area and found the counselor I went to see when I was 17. She was really nice and really shed some light on and worked with me on my phobia. In the past 12 years I've thought of her now and then and what she helped me with and wondered how she was doing. Part of me feels comforted by the knowledge that she had me figured out really well back then, and my personality is the same, the difference being I have many more experiences now lol. That's the other part, I feel rather overwhelmed by the idea of trying to catch her up with the last 12 years of my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it's like a little life within a life. I mean I could do it, it's not that big lol, it just feels really big.
Regardless if I go to see Rose or not, I think it's definitely a good idea to see someone. I'm just bursting to get some of this out of me. I mean venting a little on plurk helps a lot when the pressure gets to be too much, but I need help sorting through this stuff... It's like all the boxes of in Goddamn garage I need to go through, except it's questions and feelings and probably some general bullshit. I'm not questioning who I am. I feel like my personality is squared away well, but I am questioning *everything* else.
I turned in my application to Trackers this past Sunday.
I'm going to make sure the promissory note is in today for the loan.
I'm having a rush of inspiration for a story for Nev.
I'm determined to take some time this weekend to write for Never a Legend and for the Nev story. I really need to take some time to do that. Writing for myself feels really good.
It is week seven so we are just over half way through with the term. I really look forward to studying history again next term.
It’s pretty disheartening to see both my major (history) and minor (archaeology) on this list. I’m not worried about the earnings, I already knew that both of the professions don’t yield much money, but the unemployment is looks like what I feared it would. Yeah, there’s nothing like going through the college system having the life sucked out of you by years and years of extraneous courses, but then you have to contend with a report telling you your major is “useless”. Apparently this article is based on scientific data, I’d like to see it’s sources. One thing that this article doesn’t seem to take into account is that, you can get jobs with these fields that are related to the field, but maybe not directly in the field. I think perhaps the importance of a major is over analyzed anyway. We know that, in many cases, that a associates degree or more will help you get work, and work you should be able to survive on. Pick something you are interested in for your major, it’s the only way to make it through the institution of higher education. As far as the root cause of this bullshit I guess we can only give the finger, (with gusto) to the priorities of our current society and hope it changes for our children.
On the other hand I do wonder if it okay. I've always taken summers off and a go part time (no more than 12 credits at time). Some students do much more credits and take summers. For me though, depending on the course eight credits can really kick my ass. I've been able to do 12 credits with A's, but only in community college. I still think taking the Spring off is a good idea, but I'm nervous. Perhaps its because I've only worked once for several months between high school and college, and since then it's been all college.
I do feel good about Never a Legend, the manuscript is coming along slowly but it's coming along faster than it is has in years. I'm still very unsure about my writing, my inner critic saying that it's terrible and no one else will want to read it. On the other hand I think I might be (crosses fingers and hopes to not jinks herself) to the point where I have my own writing voice. That's super exciting, but I'm not entirely sure its the case yet, here's hoping! I'm nearly done with chapter two's rewrite. I'Il give one and two to Tyson first. I'd like to give him one two and three together, but I'm worried about how one and two sound so I can't wait. Right now I hope the beginning isn't so sad the readers will dump the story. Conversely Robert's journey starts on a hard low and it's his arc to built it back up. I made a New Years resolution to schedule a time to work on NAL once maybe twice a week and to stick to it! This is the year I want to finally get a draft of the manuscript! My college schedule is a little more flexible this term. I have my classes on Tuesday and Thursday with a PE class on M&W to make sure I come in to get course work done. I'm planning to at least make a time on Friday to write, possibly one other time in the week if coursework allows.
I'm looking forward to the new term, but at the same time I'm a bit gun-shy after this past term. Social Theory was a difficult class and professor Crowfoot not agree with the way I write I tested poorly and worked quite the shitstorm of anxiety. This combined with not getting my meds at the very end of term caused an incomplete *face palm*. I've been working on the incomplete at my own pace this Christmas break, of course it's not finished yet *ugh self*. I just need to get over than brick wall about anxiety of writing for this course! I will go get something to eat here shortly and see if that helps. History Seminar 405 was really interesting and I learned a lot about Steppe Nomads. Having professor Walton is really great too she's so knowledgeable. It's also great to feel like I'm getting done with my history requirements and progressing in the degree. I also really like writing the bibliographic essay I will definitely use it as a tool in research in the future. However it was also pretty painful. We had about 200 pages worth of reading per-week considering its a senior level class that isn't that bad, but with my learning disability and ocd I can't read quickly and I was so afraid all term that I would fail the course. For this class there was a happy ending, I think professor Walton appreciated my effort and discussion in class. I hope she liked my essay I may find out soon since I'm taking part two of the course this term.
I think I'm going to have to do a part two to this post to talk about the courses for this coming term and other future school developments. I think I'm going to grab some food stuffs now, I'm--so--hungry!
Now I live in town though, I've been trying to work up the courage to ride on the road. The specific area right my our Apartment doesn't have demarcated bike lanes, but the road is nice and wide, and I've seen lots of riders on it. It was odd, I was watching out and being careful, but to a certain extent the bike rider must trust the drivers not to hit them. I cringed when the cars passed me, but I didn't swerve or slow down because driving has taught me that if you remain consistent other drivers will be better able to predict what you might do. I spent the ride back with my sushi order hanging from one of the handle bars, laughing nervous and feeling like I was doing something a bit crazy, and that maybe getting my drivers licence and driving alone wouldn't be so scary after all. On the other hand it was nice exerciser and I'm glad I tried it. I still don't know whether or not I will make the bike part of the field school commute, but we'll see.
I'm really happy because as of week two I started a new workout routine. I work out Monday and Friday at the recreation center here at PSU. It's a lovely building with so much to do, and since access to it is paid for as part of tuition students don't have to pay each time we go in. It's a very massive gym with four floors. They have cardio machines (like ellipticals and tredmills) a beautiful full sized inside pool on the second floor XD, a inside running track (just like a track and field track) and even a rock climbing wall! The set up of the building reminds me of a science fiction setting. I've seen swimming pools indoors plenty of times, but never on the second floor of the building with large windows to see most of the pool from the outside of the building. Also the track is on the fourth floor, but it over looks the courts on the third floor, like it is suspended above it. I don't think it actually is because it feels really sturdy with no slight bounce, but it is definitely like a mezzanine. The whole building just has the futuristic feeling to me. I'm a big dork *blush*, but I often imagine I'm an astronaut on a long space mission, the Rec Center only being part of a massive space cruiser, and my graduation is when we arrive on the alien planet. And--the defriending of this Hayley wierdo begins---now! I'm hoping to step up the workouts to Monday, Wednesday, Friday, because my Linguistics course doesn't start until 1:50 on these days, and experts say that working out three times a week every other day is optimal. Hopefully I can keep this going because it feels really good. Well I had better go. There is still more to write about, so I think I will do a Spring Term part 2 entry. Bye friends love to you all.
Spring Break is coming up, I really don't know how I feel about the week holiday at all. I think it's supposed to enable to students to see parents and friends they haven't seen since Winter Break, but it doesn't work. It's too short to really make that possible. I only have two no-home-work-weekends then its back to uni. I don't know how I can spend time with my boyfriend, parents, and friends in that time.
I wish I could not feel like a major jerk in regards to Jason. Even mum gives me a hard time that I don't see him enough. I don't really know how to see him anymore. We were never lovers, or anything like that, but we hung out all the time chatting, going to movies, talking about our stories. Now that he's married I don't feel like I can just go out and hang out with him. I don't mean it in anyway other than a friend way, but now he and Kim to everything together, and I don't think he'd want to go out without her. I suppose that's the way it's supposed to be, but I don't know. I understand that there are boundaries to being married, but I have no interest in Jason romantically, just as his friend I really enjoy his company. Molly says the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it. I don't know how I'd do that, because I only see him with Kim, and I'd rather talk to him privately and talk to Kim another time. I guess I could talk to them at the same time. I don't know, I just wish it wasn't awkward between us. It feels like there's something hanging around us. I think I broke his heart, me! Jesus I'm nobody! but I didn't want to. I wish I could have given him want he wanted, but I couldn't and I knew I shouldn't try. I knew it would hurt both of us. I've never grieved anything in this way and this long, it's my biggest regret and yet I had to do it. I wish he knew how much I cared about him and how much I enjoyed him in my life. Because now I'm just worried he sees me as the person who said no and didn't really care about him. That might not be the case at all, but there something and I hope it's not resentment. It was a good time in my life, but sometimes I'm afraid I did more harm than good in being his friend. );
I really wish the proffersors had had all the PDFs and bound in a collection which was sold with the other course texts at the library. Their rationale for not doing so was the really cheap printing costs here at PSU. However, I wish they had assumed that their students were going to be taking twelve or more credits. Also since most of my classes are upper devision I would think the proffs. would think that at the upper devision level there will be lots of reading for twelve credits or more. Printing out and binding a book for projected memebers of the course would be a good idea to pay for itself in the likely event that the student goes over their 500 page limit. Also temp workers, requiring no pre-reqs knowledge to earn some money over the summer. Heck I would have went for a job like that. I mean no offesive to my proffs., or to the acedemic community as a whole, but I really wish there was more planning on the acedemic communities part. There is totally such a thing on the as dumb smart people ;) :P
I have been thinking for a little while now, really since coming to PSU, that in history and anthropology I there are certain aspects that I find fascinating, perhaps more so than periods. I know anthropology wise I would like to specialize in achaeology (I dream of digging) but social history and arcaeology are very similar in decipline and interest, that even then, I find myself having favorites. Attending my African History Before 1800 ce class today really got me thinking about it. I thought for keeping track of things I would make a list of things I like. I may add to it later. ;)
The list of things in Archaeology and History that I love!
The Medieval Period- especially... Anglo-Saxon England in early times, and in the period of Alfred the Great, The Black Death, and the Thirteenth Century
The Late Roman Period to Medieval cusp
Military - Especially what it was like to be a soldier, cavalry (all sorts, but especially Late Roman/medieval cusp and Mongols/other nomad groups), warbands, battles: like Hastings, WWI, Russo-Japanese War (much the same reasons for interest in WWI)
African History- Especially before 1800's and below the north. Mysterious to me, new, and not covered very often.
Chagatai Khanate- mysterious, intriguing, while studying the Mongols over the past term and now this one not much on this Khanate.
Byzantine Empire- Is interesting in many ways, the last of the Roman Empire, the Eastern Church, relations with Western medieval in the west and vikings, and lack of coverage in history education.
Slavery- I feel kind of like a sicko for having this an interest, but it seems like a big part of a lot of human experience. Also it is really different in that these are human beings, but they are treated as something apart. My interest lies mostly with the slavery in earlier cultures, in antiquity and the middle ages.
Over the Christmas break I updated my paperwork for the DRC, which is why they couldn't give me double time for tests. However even with that I'm not certain I could finish in time, but it would be better than half an hour. Unfortunately, the phychritrist who tested me said it can take two weeks to process the testing, and the lady at the DRC said it could take two weeks on their end. That could be as much as a month total, which is enough time to fail an exam or more due to lack of accomadation. Hopefully it will be easier for the DRC to sort out the paper work. Either way I guess I shouldn't worry about it, it's out of my hands now. The only thing is... I could loose more time and effort and grades to a messed up situation that just makes me feel like shit, and makes me look really bad. If the DRC makes things difficult by not accomadating me (for the third time) I will seriously question my future, perhaps change it entirely, especially here at PSU. I really really hope it doesn't come that. I want to manage this, I want to work hard, but feel like I can do this, I want the confidence I had in my last couple years at PCC, I want to get my degrees before I get too old to do the other important things I want to do with my life (marry have children). All laid out like this, it does seem like a lot to ask , but I will work hard I will put everything I have into this. I just need a little asistance.
Today is my first day of classes. I have World History 10:15-11:20 and Anthro of Food 3:00-4:00 they sound terrific. I'm just going to try and chill out enjoy it and feel excited about what I'm doing. I haven't even seen the sylaby yet, sometimes I worry about things that turn out to be better than I thought. Hopefully this will be the case. I must be Cautiously optimistic! Love to everyone!
I was really happy to see Tyson when we arrived, and ran off with him to see the panel about "The world's Oldest Profession". It was a great panel the ladies hosting it had really done their research. I didn't know about certain details, like there being over a hundred "steamstresses in Seatle, but only on sewing machine." *Lol* One lady even had an artifact brothel token and key, the token said it was, good for one quality lay :D!
I'll continue on with my report later, but I have to get to class at the moment. More to come...
This is my second week of term, and as of now everything is going smoothly,
Hayley x ^_^
I mean I could be wrong to get so excited. I do have a lot of doubt around my writing abilities. Also there is the whole matter of my past struggles with deadlines. That said, I can't deny that I'm really caught up in this, maybe it's partly because it's so out of left field. My Dad's a clever guy. Also the other person I have mentioned this to thought it was a good idea. I just think it's always nice to have back up plans.
Being practical for my history and anthropology degree I was already thinking about looking into a grant writing class at PSU. Dad told me they had one. However looking at the class bulletin for the 2010-2011 university year, there wasn't a class listed. I decided not to give up so I did a google search for classes on grant writing and found this helpful site> http://grantwritingusa.com/events.html much to my excitement they have up coming workshops in Vancouver WA. and in Portland OR. It would cost a pretty penny, but you seem to get a lot out of it and it would be helpful to my career in the history or anthropology field, or really, whatever I end up doing. I think it would be well worth it. When I mentioned it to Dad he said he figured it would be expensive, but he still seemed to agree that it would be a good idea.
Who know what will end up happening, but for now I thought I'd get this down and see what others think as well. I find new possibilities exciting.
Love to Everyone!
Here's hoping my first term will schedule out alright 0_o.
PS: Not worried about the shot itself, needles and being poked by them doesn't frighten me happily!
It's well time that I update my lovely Live Journal. Mum, Georgie and I visited Granny, Grandpa, Ali, Rob, Antony, Kev, Connie, Quincy, and met Kev's lady friend Laura. It was really nice to see everyone, I've missed them very much since it had been two years. Ali has a really sweet little house now it has a bedroom, a spare room, a little kitchen and living room, and room that (since the house dates back to the 1820's was probably the parlor). If I was living in England and could afford to rent a house I would love to rent one just like it. Also she has a big wide bathtub in the shape of a scallop shell, and a--ready? A koi pond *happy sigh* ! It was so nice to watch the koi's flitting about.
I had a lovely time catching up with Gemma, Laura, and Rachel. We had a great BBQ played a dancing game on the Wii and got a bit tipsy. On the last weekend we were visiting I went to London with them to see Laura's brother Robert's portfolio showing. Just like I did for Sheri before I left. It was pretty good, and I was able to pick up some free catalogues for Sheri, which she really really liked I was really happy.
We didn't go to many historical places, but we did go briefly to London's Natural History Museum, the Maritime Museum, and Norwich Castle. Norwich Castle is similar to Colchester Castle in the way it has a great museum inside. It has a Celtic/Roman section, a Saxon/Viking section, and a Medieval Section, it's a really nice set-up. I really really recommend it!
We did do lots of shopping. Mum and Georgie like to shop, Georgie's little and tall enough she's like a dolly. I kind of take up the "man" position when Mum and Georgie go shopping. I pick up other sizes I wait in the changing room and give opinions. It's okay but I am such a different size to both of them that it's hard to shop along. Oh well that's alright.
When we visited Greenwich we had a good time. The Greenwich Festival was going on at the time and we got to see crazy hair ladies making detailed hair sculptures with volunteers, I have a picture, but still have to get all the pictures off my camera. When I do I'll be sure post a link to them here.