Dec. 9th, 2014 03:52 am
medievallass: (Default)
Happily my Oregon Health Plan (affordable care act) has at last been worked out. This means I can see a doctor or counselor again, which really is a relief even though I'm pretty healthy and it didn't come to mind each day. Right now although I have some medical stuff to take care of, I've really got to go see an endocrinologist, I feel I need to see a counselor the most. My anxiety is pretty bad and with the anxiety and sadness with feeling lonely, well it hurts. It's like having an injury that flares up every few days or so.

Tonight I had a look at counselors in the area and found the counselor I went to see when I was 17. She was really nice and really shed some light on and worked with me on my phobia. In the past 12 years I've thought of her now and then and what she helped me with and wondered how she was doing. Part of me feels comforted by the knowledge that she had me figured out really well back then, and my personality is the same, the difference being I have many more experiences now lol. That's the other part, I feel rather overwhelmed by the idea of trying to catch her up with the last 12 years of my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it's like a little life within a life. I mean I could do it, it's not that big lol, it just feels really big.

Regardless if I go to see Rose or not, I think it's definitely a good idea to see someone. I'm just bursting to get some of this out of me. I mean venting a little on plurk helps a lot when the pressure gets to be too much, but I need help sorting through this stuff... It's like all the boxes of in Goddamn garage I need to go through, except it's questions and feelings and probably some general bullshit. I'm not questioning who I am. I feel like my personality is squared away well, but I am questioning *everything* else.

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