Lady of the Isle

Wow! It's a new year, boy that did seem to go fast! I'm kind'a glad it did though, it was a pretty hard year especially in the Grandparent department and the stress with university department. I hope this year will be more gentle. I have this overall feeling of self reflection. It feels like I want to undergo a big change in path in my life, but I'm not ready to do it yet because I have to get through this part of my schooling. It a strange way to feel. Song like <i>The End</i> and <i>Closer</i> by the Kings of Leon have been the best way I could describe the feeling. It's a strong feeling but also not judge mental angry, its wistful and maybe mellow/a bit sad happiness?

I do feel  good about Never a Legend, the manuscript is coming along slowly but it's coming along faster than it is has in years. I'm still very unsure about  my writing, my inner critic saying that it's terrible and no one else will want to read it. On the other hand I think I might be (crosses fingers and hopes to not jinks herself) to the point where I have my own writing voice. That's super exciting, but I'm not entirely sure its the case yet, here's hoping! I'm nearly done with chapter two's rewrite. I'Il give one and two to Tyson first. I'd like to give him one two and three together, but I'm worried about how one and two sound so I can't wait. Right now I hope the beginning isn't so sad the readers will dump the story. Conversely Robert's journey starts on a hard low and it's his arc to built it back up. I made a New Years resolution to schedule a time to work on NAL once maybe twice a week and to stick to it! This is the year I want to finally get a draft of the manuscript! My college schedule is a little more flexible this term. I have my classes on Tuesday and Thursday with a PE class on M&W to make sure I come in to get course work done. I'm planning to at least make a time on Friday to write, possibly one other time in the week if coursework allows.

I'm looking forward to the new term, but at the same time I'm a bit gun-shy after this past term. Social Theory was a difficult class and professor Crowfoot not agree with the way I write I tested poorly and worked quite the shitstorm of anxiety. This combined with not getting my meds at the very end of term caused an incomplete *face palm*. I've been working on the incomplete at my own pace this Christmas break, of course it's not finished yet *ugh self*. I just need to get over than brick wall about anxiety of writing for this course! I will go get something to eat here shortly and see if that helps. History Seminar 405 was really interesting and I learned a lot about Steppe Nomads. Having professor Walton is really great too she's so knowledgeable. It's also great to feel like I'm getting done with my history requirements and progressing in the degree. I also really like writing the bibliographic essay I will definitely use it as a tool in research in the future.  However it was also pretty painful. We had about 200 pages worth of reading per-week considering its a senior level class that isn't that bad, but with my learning disability and ocd I can't read quickly and I was so afraid all term that I would fail the course. For this class there was a happy ending, I think professor Walton appreciated my  effort and discussion in class. I hope she liked my essay I may find out soon since I'm taking part two of the course this term.

I think I'm going to have to do a part two to this post to talk about the courses for this coming term and other future school developments. I think I'm going to grab some food stuffs now, I'm--so--hungry!  

 Last entry I talked about the Rec Center, a lot-- I'm impressed by it, on the other hand I should talk about uni and actual classes. This term I'm taking Language and Society, linguistics 223. It's a core requirement for an Anthropology degree, sort of the closest thing PSU has for a Linguistic Anthropology class.  It's a pretty nice easy going class so far, three small writing assignments of language aspects and a presentation about a myth on language. My group's myth is "Do women talk to much?" The short answer according to the reading I've done so far is no. In fact men do most of the talking especially in public. This has to do with gender and society  roles, I won't go on about  in length, that's what the presentation and more research is for, but there it is. I got some books from the library yesterday, here's hoping I can dig into them soon. The presentation isn't due until the eighth of May or sixth (will check) but I like to have the jump on things. It's a pretty interesting class, however I feel a little lost when Mr. Childs talks about the jargon, because I've never had a linguistics course. I also wish we weren't focused on English so much. I was hoping we would talk about aspects of language, and then Childs would give us examples in languages where it occurs. Yet most of our examination has been on dialects of English, which is good to learn about, but I confess... a little boring. Well I have to go history 300 is in a couple of minutes. Wow! I guess I'm going to need a part three to talk about my history 300 class! That's okay though, my little live journal needs more attention anyway. *Gives it a big cuddle*

Hayley ^_^

Okay here we go again round two of round two at PSU. After the whole struggle and success with fall term I'm not sure how to feel going into this term. On one hand I love the subject matter I will be studying, Anthropology of food, African history before 1800 ce, and world history 105. However I know that if things begin to spiral my joy with the subject can be ruined by my dred of terrible grades and failure. It's hard to know what sort of outlook to have. I failed my Anthro human variation course, but that appears to be due largely to running out of time, especially on the exams. Painfully I knew the answers, it's just with ten short answer questions, and five essays, with the extra half an hour the DRC was able to give me, an hour and a half still wasn't enough. I must admit it has totally shaken and or deflated my cofidence in taking exams at the university level.

Over the Christmas break I updated my paperwork for the DRC, which is why they couldn't give me double time for tests. However even with that I'm not certain I could finish in time, but it would be better than half an hour. Unfortunately, the phychritrist who tested me said it can take two weeks to process the testing, and the lady at the DRC said it could take two weeks on their end. That could be as much as a month total, which is enough time to fail an exam or more due to lack of accomadation. Hopefully it will be easier for the DRC to sort out the paper work. Either way I guess I shouldn't worry about it, it's out of my hands now. The only thing is... I could loose more time and effort and grades to a messed up situation that just makes me feel like shit, and makes me look really bad. If the DRC makes things difficult by not accomadating me (for the third time) I will seriously question my future, perhaps change it entirely, especially here at PSU. I really really hope it doesn't come that. I want to manage this, I want to work hard, but feel like I can do this, I want the confidence I had in my last couple years at PCC, I want to get my degrees before I get too old to do the other important  things I want to do with my life (marry have children). All laid out like this, it does seem like a lot to ask , but I will work hard I will put everything I have into this. I just need a little asistance.

Today is my first day of classes. I have World History 10:15-11:20 and Anthro of Food 3:00-4:00 they sound terrific. I'm just going to try and chill out enjoy it and feel excited about what I'm doing. I haven't even seen the sylaby yet, sometimes I worry about things that turn out to be better than I thought. Hopefully this will be the case. I must be Cautiously optimistic! Love to everyone!

Hayley ^_^